i jhust puked up my retainher.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
you will always have a special place in my vag
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
