I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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