woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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