i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
