he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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