First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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