well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
