When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
