yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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