Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
