is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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