she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
