thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
