we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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