like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
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somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
you made out with another girl for some wings
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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