you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
