so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
