How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
