We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
They took my balls.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
