Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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