If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
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