Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Randomize
