Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
