I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
