my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
