a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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