i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
