I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
