I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
