we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
