i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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