i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
