Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize