Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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