i already hear my dad disowning me
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
