I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
