Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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