I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
