people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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