you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
