I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
