I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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