Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
