I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
