I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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