you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
