i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
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