My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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