my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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