i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
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It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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