Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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