Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
