I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
