I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
