That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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