Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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