I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
