some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I still have a little drunk in my system
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
