You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
