whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
