Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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