I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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