So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
