erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
