I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
