FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
