I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
